Talk-it Out

Purpose
In any confl ict, the goal is to fi nd a win-win solution, but this can only happen when
both parties are clear about their feelings, calm enough to actively listen to one another,
and have the skills to negotiate effectively. It is important to give the students an initial
structure for this kind of complex negotiation. The step-by-step Talk It Out model is a way
of making the problem-solving process concrete enough for the students to practice on
their own.

Breaking It Down
The steps in the Talk It Out process are:

STEP 1: Each person gives an “I” Message, with the other
person summarizing that message. This ensures that
each knows how the other is feeling.

STEP 2: Each person suggests a solution to the problem,
with the other person summarizing to be sure he or
she has understood.

STEP 3: Both people discuss the possible solutions and agree
on one to try. They should be striving for a win-win
result, something with which both parties can live.

STEP 4: They implement the plan.

STEP 5: They get back together to discuss whether the
plan has worked or whether they need to try
something else.

Fine-Tuning the Technique
■ Spend some class time early in the year modeling the Talk It
Out process and allowing the students to practice the steps.
Although it means an initial investment of instructional
time, it should dramatically diminish the amount of time you
spend mediating confl icts later in the year.

■ The problem-solving process is an exercise in active
listening. As you begin to implement Talk It Out, make active
listening your weekly team cooperation goal.

■ Create scenarios or ask the students to come up with their own, then
have them role-play walking the steps of the peace path with a partner. By
asking the students to solve imaginary differences, you give them valuable
experience and skills on which to draw when they attempt to resolve their
own points of confl ict.

■ In addition to modeling the Talk It Out process for students, keep the
Talk It Out game board in a folder on the Round Table to guide students
as they work through the process on their own. (For more details, see the
elementary grades’ Getting Along Together curriculum.)

■ The students must be careful to use cool-down strategies and confl ict
stoppers to prevent the confl ict from getting worse. As the students learn
the Talk It Out process, monitor from a distance in case you need to
intervene and remind them of the steps or help set them back on the path
toward peace.

■ Establish ground rules. For instance, the students may not use the Talk
It Out process as an excuse to get out of classwork: if a confl ict arises in
the middle of an activity, let the students know that they may need to wait
until a more appropriate moment in the lesson or day before attempting to
resolve their differences. Likewise, if the students experience inappropriate
outbursts of emotion as they attempt to walk the peace path, institute a
three-strikes rule: after three outbursts, the student must either call in a
pinch hitter to help with negotiations or sit on the sidelines for a time before
resuming the problem-solving process. Be clear and consistent with your expectations.