This Deep Loneliness

by Suzanna C. de Baca

 

When I was small,

otherness was a cloak

I forced myself to fit into,

a cinched corset, shoes that pinched,

too-tight gloves that bunched my fingers

into clenched fists. She gnawed

at me, pained me, usurping

my name, my interests,

eroded my suspicions of dogma

and team spirit, my discomfort

in crowded places, noisy rooms.

But one day, otherness took me

downward into darkness.

Together, we drowned, sinking,

touching rock. Otherness

unfastened the cloak, stripped off

the gloves, ripped off the shoes,

wrested the corset from my chest

so I could breathe. Together,

we defied gravity, swam

towards the center and rose

to the surface. This otherness

follows me still. I invite her in

and sit with her, quietly,

in the night. We move our hands

and feet. We breathe

in and out.

 

 

 

Suzanna C. de Baca is a native Iowan, proud Latina, executive, author and artist who is passionate about exploring change and transformation. A member of the Iowa Writers’ Collaborative, her poetry has been published widely in national and international literary magazines, journals and anthologies. She is the recipient of the Derick Burleson Poetry Award and has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. She lives in the rural town of Huxley, Iowa, population 4244.